If I have learned anything in my old age it’s that I am far more disappointed by the things I didn’t do, than by the things I did do. Indeed, many people spend most of their time thinking about what they will do and who they will be(come) mañana.
But this means that you are forgetting to live in the present moment. We don’t do what we want to do today, and then we fool ourselves by thinking that tomorrow will be different than today. Remember this: Tomorrow is a fantasy—you can’t finish something if you haven’t started it. The point of this post is that all of us need to stop postponing to tomorrow what we can do today. Said another way, “start living the life that you want today.”
After a while, and with repeated effort at excusing our own inaction, we in effect become our excuses. Excuses are an easy way out for not doing what you want most in life.
Long ago, researchers looked at what motivates people to change. Their work arose, principally, out of the smoking cessation movements of the late 1950s and early 1960s and what was then perceived as people’s inability change, to stop smoking. One useful model that came out of all of that research was the so-called Stages of Change Model, which has as its components the following stages: Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action and then Maintenance. I will write in more detail about the Stages of Change Model in another post.
In my work as a coach (and previously as a counselor), I find that most clients are stuck in pre-contemplation (with respect to whatever it is that they want to address). In fact, when they do come to see me, the “problem” is not the problem insofar as their own assessment of trouble is concerned. We work to uncover that as sessions unfold.
Here’s the thing: Change happens the moment you stop fearing, and then start wanting, something. Most people fail to accomplish what they want simply because they do not start. We know that procrastination is a passive behavior—much like watching television, we merely stare at our dreams but do nothing to enact them.
Of course, what is really happening is a kind of “overthinking,” or what I call 100% disease. We will only commit to what we want to do when we have de-risked everything about it. The problem with overthinking and with 100% disease is that nothing is ever certain. As I say in my classroom, nothing is ever proven. Period.
I am reminded of this notion: If babies were overthinkers, we wouldn’t learn to walk.
Moreover, when we think too much, we start to doubt ourselves. When we judge our abilities, not “knowing” becomes a barrier. To become good at something we must experiment first. To achieve what you love requires courage—you must take the first step into the unknown.
Naturally, if you want to do something different, people will tell you “watch out.” Not because they want to protect you—it’s their own fear they want to hide. There’s one thing most successful people have in common. And it’s not just courage—they have clarity. Once you know what you want it’s easier to go for it.
Overthinking clouds our dreams. When you really know what you want, you become unstoppable. So, how can you get there?
Answer: decide what you want most in life and then “burn your ships.”
Think of a dream as like a shining beacon, a lighthouse. It is the physical manifestation of a mission. No matter how tremendous the storm, no matter the winds of evil, you will always get there safe. Having a mission in life gives you clarity and direction.
A mission clearly defined is all about designing your life around a clear purpose. I especially like this graphic (above) borrowed from a recent piece in Psychology Today.
Notice that it has three key elements:
- Your purpose: Your Why. What drives you? What makes you enjoy what you do regardless of the difficulty? Purpose provides clarity and drives your actions—especially your choices. It can even extend your life (see https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/flourish-and-thrive/201906/the-importance-having-sense-purpose)
- What you do: All the activities you perform (routines, work, hobbies, roles you play, etc.). For this I add the axiom: How you do anything is how you do everything. Make sense?
- Your achievements: The result of your actions. It doesn’t matter how driven you are or how much you do. The impact you create becomes your measure of personal success. Another axiom: you are the sum-total of all the choices you’ve made in life.
When what you do is aligned with your purpose, it drives personal fulfillment. When what you do creates a positive impact, it gives you the motivation to continue doing it or to do it more often or wanting to improve your craft. When what you achieve is aligned with your purpose it makes you feel good. Yet another axiom: Dale Carnegie once said, “Happiness is wanting what you get.” It means blooming where you are planted. It means that you are grateful for your achievements.
The intersection between your purpose, what you do, and what you achieve defines the life that you want.
Nothing is perfect, including that graphic above. Life is not perfect. But that diagram is a great place to start when looking for the life that you want. It will mean that you are headed in the right direction.
Who was it that said, “Beyond a certain point, there is no return. This point has to be reached.” And to get to it, you MUST start. Like the baby learning to walk, you must take the first step. You must find that point of no return.
One other thing: Relax: Nothing is under control. You cannot either control external events nor other people. But you can control your choices. Your decisions will get you closer (or not) to accomplish what you want the most in life. Waiting for tomorrow doesn’t help.
The Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortéz was on a mission back in 1519. His commitment to conquer Mexico was such that retreat was not an option. That’s why he ordered his men to burn all the ships. The only way to keep everyone from quitting was to take their transportation back to Spain off the table. Hence, a point of no return. The only way forward is … forward.
Burn your ships. Be them comfort or fear or procrastination, you must burn them. The point of no return is when your purpose and what you do are aligned. Only you can tell you what to desire. No one is better suited than yourself to design, build, and enjoy the life that you want.
Start today. Manana never comes.
