This is adapted from Living for Monday, a neat little blog should you ever have occasion to want to, well, live for Mondays. Plus, it was taken from my learnings as a TEC Chair in South Australia, for which I owe both Jerry Kleeman and Adrian Geering a huge debt of gratitude.

Here we go:

Often, among the first questions that I will ask a coaching client is this: “What is it that holds you back from creating purpose and fulfillment in your life?” If the answer is not forthcoming, I will often table the issue, with the client’s permission and vow to come back to it again and again in future sessions.  Among the more immediate responses are the ones you’d expect: I need more money. More time. The right ideas. The most common answer I get is this: I guess I don’t have enough of the right people in my life.

The Eagle and Child pub is similar to many other pubs in Oxford. Located near the University of Oxford, it is the quintessential English pub, precisely as you might expect it:  Dimly lit, smelling of old beer (but in a good way, with beer served beer at room temperature; the English don’t drink it any other way).  Naturally, they have fish and chips along with other pub food.  By all accounts, it’s just another common place (a ye’old public place, as it were) in one of the greatest college towns in the world. Except for one thing:

You see, in the 1930s and 1940s, a very special group used space in The Eagle and Child to challenge and support one another while offering criticism on their best work. And in the beginning of their time together, in the middle, and at the end, they managed as well to have a jolly good time together.  You’ve heard of these guys: J.R.R Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Owen Barfield, Charles Williams, and several others. They had formed a group called The Inklings, who used the pub as one of several locations for their “mastermind meetings.” Whether directly or indirectly, this group pushed each member to create their best possible work. They pushed one another to reach their full potential and hone their writing to make it the best in the world.

The interior of The Eagle and Child pub in Oxford

While the 1930s may seem like a lifetime ago (two lifetimes, to be exact) and the members of The Inklings may seem larger than life (they were), this group formed the perfect case-study for why so many of my clients (and friends) identify “finding the right people” as the single greatest factor holding them back from purpose and fulfillment.

Surround Yourself with Remarkable People

When Cindy and I were first engaged, we attended something called “Engagement Encounter,” a three-day retreat hosted by the Catholic Church. During the course of that weekend, we learned about how to keep our marriage away from life-suckers, those people determined to bring us down, and to surround our marriage with life-givers. It was one of the most profound lessons of my life. We have tried to observe it ever since.

Deep down, we all want to be pushed. We want to be challenged to put our best work into the world. We want to be understood, supported, listened to, encouraged, called out, and loved by people that care about us. We want life-givers in our lives. At base, we want to be the average of five incredible people whom we constantly surround ourselves with. We want these things, and yet so many of us lack the right people in our lives to make it happen.

The problem is that our early relationships are largely a function of location. We go to high school with the people who live in our neighborhood. We go to college with the people admissions officers decide are qualified to be in our class. We commence our careers based on incomplete information (I sure did) and a general lack of direction upon graduating from college. And one day we wake up realizing that the people we spend the most time with are not necessarily the ones that we want to be influenced by.

That’s a scary realization. Life cannot be that chancy, can it?  For a period of time, we wander around lost in thought trying to understand the alternatives. Eventually, we reach a decision point. We will ask ourselves: Do I settle into a life of complacency and empty dreaming? Or do I do something about my dreams and find the people who will help me reach them?

What Exactly is a Mastermind Group?

A mastermind group is a collection of 4-8 creative individuals who meet on a regular basis to help one another reach their fullest potential.

I think that’s a great definition in that it allows for the flexibility to fit most people’s needs.

To get a mastermind group together, you’ll have to find 3-7 other people who will be as committed and dependable as you. They’ll need to be creative, which simply means they’re dedicated to achieving their dreams (and yours) through creative problem solving, goal setting, and accountability. Finally, everyone in the group needs to be willing to meet on a regular basis.

This sounds simple enough, but there’s much more to it than just a common definition. In fact, “mastermind” as a term was defined and popularized as long ago as 1937, when Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich was originally published. So, if the concept has been proven to help millionaires make their fortunes and it’s been around for several decades, why aren’t we all in a group yet?

The answer? Because it takes real work.

How to Form Your Own Group

Step One: Know What You Want (and need)

Answer three questions to begin with:

Who are you? Or, said another way, What aren’t you?

What do you want? Seriously, now, what do you really want?

When you’ve done this in the past, what did it feel like? I’ll bet it felt good.

The answers to those questions form the base of what you’ll want to capture in your group: mission and values, passion, strengths, vision, and mindset. By answering these questions before you get started with a mastermind group, you guarantee yourself that you’ll seek out the right people.

Who are you? There are four essential aspects of who you are that you’ll need to consider:

• Purpose: Do you have a Mission Statement as a human being? If not, write one. Here’s mine:
  

  “On a mission to make it through – what, I don’t really know, but I would like to have done so having made a difference in the life of a child (my child), having been the best husband to my Cindy that I know how to be, having been a minimal burden to my society and additive to the American project; to have been a good neighbor; to love my Lord and His Word; to believe that although I have not always lived my life in such upstanding fashion,  at least I know of my transgressions and have said sorry whenever possible; to develop and maintain a solid, well-defined sense of right and wrong; to have been a mentor and a leader to the greatest number possible; to have made peace with the world; and, to have tried, thought probably not nearly enough, to check my anger.”

  As an aside, many great thinkers believe you should also have a list of core values, things over which you would never, ever compromise.  I have a list like that too, and it is critical that it be reviewed in conjunction with the mission statement as often as possible:

  * Asset Management, maintenance and enhancement: I take pride in ownership; things are better for having been under my care;
  * Physical accomplishment: I value, not nearly enough, physical exercise for itself; the value of movement.
  * The love of my wife and of my little girl: Because they have a need to love, and because I have a need to be loved.
  * Order, Quiet and Time Alone: I prefer stasis.
  * Weather and God’s Earth: I value seasons for what they offer as change. They affect the treadmills of life.
  * Leadership and service to others: Mean what you say and live an exemplary life. Be authentic.
  * Taking responsibility and Not Rolling Over: I do not shrink from responsibility for my actions; and I expect the same from others.
  * My life with Cindy: It has given my new wings. I can and do sleep like a baby most nights and can conceive of a future!
  * Ancaro Imparo: I love to learn and want to continue learning in the classic sense, for the rest of my life. Why ever else would I have gotten a doctorate at 59?
  * Civil Disobedience: I run red arrows, I never wait around like sheeple, and I question authority.

  Those are mine. You should come up with your own.

• Passion: What are your interests? Which of your interests inspire you enough to become the best in the world? On what projects, topics, or interests do you spend most of your time?
• Strengths: What are your innate talents and tendencies that you were born with? How do you do your best work? What are examples of situations in the past when you were at your best and how can you replicate those situations in the future?

Get to the bottom of each of these questions on some level before you try to setup a mastermind group. Without this information, it will be hard to know what type of people are most likely to align with who you are to help you reach your goals.

What do you want? Again, like knowing who you are, there are four essential levels on which you can consider what you want:

• Vision: Your vision encompasses the complete picture of what you want your life to look like. It includes how you want family, friends, and colleagues to think about you when you reach the end of your life. Most importantly, it includes the aspects of what you consider to be a fulfilling, impactful life.
• Long term goals: Your long term goals paint a picture of your next 10-25 years. How will you know you are on the path to a life of fulfillment and impact over that time-frame?
• Short term goals: Over the next year, what do you need to accomplish or maintain in order to remain on track to reach your long term goals and life vision?
• Key Performance Indicators: What daily, weekly, and monthly practices or habits will allow you to reach your short term goals?

Establishing a full breakdown of what you want (and, definitely, what you DON’T want) will help establish how your mastermind group can help you. Without a clear vision, it may be difficult to effectively use your group to your advantage.

Step Two: Seek Out People with Similar Goals and Experience Levels

You need to locate “your people” – aka, the people who will form the core of your mastermind group. This is partly an exercise in trial and error, as some people are likely to come and go from any group. However, the more intentional you can be at the beginning, the more likely you are to form a core group that stays together for many years, just like The Inklings, who met regularly for nearly 20 years!

You’re looking for people who have three key characteristics:

• They seem to have answered the three questions.
• They have similar goals to yours.
• They have a similar experience level as you.

How can you find the people who will make up a great mastermind group? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Attend “networking events” in your area. Have as many conversations as possible and take notes on the ones that are most interesting and engaging.
• Attend conferences that have messaging and story lines that appeal to you.
• Ask your mentors, family, friends, and close contacts for recommendations of people that meet the three key characteristics from above.
• Search for blogs that seem to contain similar messaging, goals, and mindset as you.

Once you think you’ve found the right people, you’ll want to have conversations with each one of them over Skype or in person to see if they’ll actually be a good fit.

Step Three: Create Structure

Once you have a solid group of 3-7 other individuals, take some time to create a proposed structure. There are many formats that can work for these meetings, so you’ll have to try different things out, keep what you like, discard what you don’t. Based on experience, here are a couple of ideas for meeting structure that might work:

• Have regular meetings, preferably every week or every other week.
• Hold the meetings at one consistent time that works for each person in the group.
• Expect each person to attend unless they tell the group ahead of time.
• Meeting in person is best, by video chat is second best.
• Set specific goals at the end of each meeting and write them down on a shareable document.
• Give each person the opportunity to update the group on their progress as compared to their goals at the beginning of the meeting.
• Use a talking stick – no one, and I mean NO ONE, gets to talk over another.
• Each week, focus intently (20-30 minutes) on one person’s specific challenges or goals by offering feedback, advice, and criticism to help them create even better ideas or solutions.
• Respecting a time limit usually means that more gets done, but if the group is crushing it on a particular problem by building creative solutions, then don’t stop the flow.
• Coming prepared makes for a more productive meeting—send out reading or materials for which you want feedback ahead of time.

Remember to build the group collaboratively – everyone will take ownership if they feel as if they’ve been heard (which is one of my problems with my country these days – I feel like I no longer get heard on anything).

Step Four: Always have Compelling Conversations

Create compelling conversation during your mastermind meetings.

• The Inklings had a really interesting practice: They would write pieces of literature or non-fiction and then read them aloud at the group meetings. The criticism and feedback in return was raw, and sometimes harsh, but always useful.
• Craft annual plans at the beginning of each year (or every 12 months), ask for feedback, and check in every quarter or half year on progress. By stating your biggest goals for the year out loud, they immediately become more rule. By being held accountable for those goals, they become much more likely to be reached.
• Create bucket lists or impossible lists that you read out loud to the group. This will allow the group to get to know each other better. It will also allow your peers to push you towards your real dreams rather than allowing you to settle for second-tier wishful thinking because you’re scared of failure.
• Undertake common readings (books, periodicals, or blogs). You can take this in many different directions. You could spend the first 15 minutes of each meeting in a book club type format. You could pick one periodical or blog article per person per meeting and discuss them for the first 15 minutes.
• Discuss real life case studies. Identify specific examples of excellent, inspiring performance within your industry or area of interest.
• Conduct 30 minute “workshops.” If you get the right people for your group, each one will have a set of experiences and knowledge from which you will learn. Once per quarter, someone in the group should give a 30-minute workshop or walk through of a process or skill that has helped them reach their goals.
• Get together in person once per year. Getting together in person changes everything, especially the dynamics of the relationships within your Group. Working relationships turn into friendships, and the creative ideas that come from the meeting are even more impactful than over video chat.

These are just a few ideas around forming your mastermind group.

Get Started

Right now, take the time to answer the questions I set forth above and then look up conferences, networking events, or specific people you believe might be great for building your mastermind group. You are in control of both of these actions, so schedule a work period on your calendar to make it happen. There is nothing holding you back. Whether you’re a young professional just kicking off your career, a new business owner, or a seasoned second-career veteran like me, everyone can benefit from surrounding yourself with incredible people.